Standing in the Shadow
by Kaytoko
Summary: POST THOR 2: After the fall of the Dark Elves, Thor told Jane Foster that he was returning to Asgard to speak with his father. While he hadn't lied, he hadn't told the complete truth either. For under all his bravery and infallible warrior spirit, even he needed time alone to grieve for the family he wished he still had. ONE-SHOT


A/N: I HAVE SO MANY FEELS. ANGSTY FIC BECAUSE THIS MOVIE LENDS ITSELF TO IT SO MUCH. SPOILERS FOR THOR 2.  
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Mjolnir felt like lead in his hand as Thor set it down on the table in his room. He let his fingers slip from the leather handle, just staring at it. His mind felt hazy and his body numb and for a moment, nothing came to his mind. Then, as the breeze shifted the curtains along the open windows of the bedroom he had once claimed as a child, the emotions flooded him all at once, squeezing his lungs and constricting his throat. He gasped for a breath that tore through his lungs like fire, his eyes burning with repressed tears that he had held in for far too long. He stumbled, his knees weakening as he fell to the ground with weak resistance, his fingers trembling as they fell upon the polished marble floor with a painful smack.

His _mother_.

His _brother_.

They were both... _gone_. Vanquished in a moment like a dark dream upon waking up. Like a brilliant fire snuffed out by an intrusive wind. He held their lives within his fingers and watched in helplessness as they faded away. And the worst part of all of it was that it had been his fault. It had always been his fault.

Things had changed so dramatically so since that day on Jotunheim. His arrogance and stupidity had cost him the family he had always known. He had watched his mother lose the light she had always held in her smile as her children fought. She saw the easy joy in her eyes disappear a little bit more every time she would visit Loki. She had fought with the heart of a true Asgardian in defense of the woman he had chosen to love, but even then, he had seen the fear in her eyes as the long knife pierced her skin. She fell to the ground and in those brief moments, all he could see was the stark whiteness to her skin against the dark red of the blood that spilled over her lips and the paralyzing fear of regret that still lingered in her gaze.

He had watched his own brother fall into madness, so completely driven by hurt and rage, that the darkness ate away at him until there was nothing left of the relationship they had once known as boys. He had watched as the Loki he had always knew and loved broke before his very eyes and became something he could not recognize anymore. But despite his words, he always held out a hope that his brother was still locked up in there behind all that hate and all that agony. But he had been too late to find a way to reach out to him and just like his mother, Thor watched as Loki was run through with the same blade he had used to protect him with. He had held on to him and begged him to stay, but despite his pleas he saw fear and the regret creeping into Loki's green eyes, the blood stark red against his paling lips as he pleaded for forgiveness he did not believe he deserved.

His _mother_.

His _brother_.

It was all too much for him to bear.

The tears felt heavy on Thor's cheeks, falling less like rain and more like blood as they fell to the floor in thick drops. He squeezed his palms tight until he felt his fingernails biting at the skin of his palms and he yelled, loud and anguished until his throat felt hoarse. His yells fell away into sobs that racked through his body and tore at his breath and he crumpled in on himself, sobbing brokenly into the floor.

"I'm sorry..." His voice cracked sharply. "I'm so sorry... Mother... _Loki_... Forgive me... Please forgive me..."

It wasn't often that Thor felt the heavy hand of regret, but for a moment, it felt as though it were crushing him. There was so much he wished he could have said that he didn't have the courage to say. So much he wished he had tried harder to do. He wished he could have spent a little longer sitting in the library with his mother, talking softly as they watched the galaxies glisten in the night sky, talking about stories, talking about dreams. He wished he could have helped Loki more when he needed it the most. He wished he could have been there when his brother felt like he was alone and saved him from all that darkness that tore at his heart for so very long. He wished he had the time to fix all the wrongs that he had committed to the both of them, but he didn't.

Time was up.

They were gone.

And Thor was left to grieve alone in the wake of their memory.


End file.
